So I learned how to plan and how to be (more) disciplined. But what I probably have to learn is to plan fun things, things that make me happy, things that I enjoy. As I see more and more that I just seem to see life as a list of things I have to do. And yes, I have learned to see that everything a human being does is a choice, so I know I choose to do those things, to put so much obligations onto myself.
And again I think of my mother, like yesterday or so. As she also always or mostly seems to focus on others, on helping and supporting others. Meaning she feels like she has nothing for herself and indeed also doesn’t have anything for herself.
So what happened to me, as I did have my part of fun things. But the last few years, when the money was gone, I didn’t feel like doing fun things anymore, as I just can’t afford. And the stupid thing is that I basically gave everything to my partner, gave in to all the demands and wishes of my partner. And yes, of course I enjoy the TV and the new refrigerator. But I would have never bought those myself, I would have spent my money differently, spending less on a TV and less on a refrigerator, and more on, yes, on what? Yes, travel I guess. And maybe renovating the house. And a new motorcycle.
And yes, when you have given everything away you feel drained and indeed are no fun to be with anymore. But I also still don’t see why I wouldn’t give my partner everything he wants. As that is also what I would like to happen. And they say something like you reap what you sow, so somehow I sowed something else than I thought.
So what did I sow? And how can I sow better? And what did you sow? And are you happy with what you are reaping?